Divorce and Remarriage

This week we took a look into the different structures of remarried families. There are 24 different types of marriages! Each different combination creates a different outcome, and may be incredibly complicated as the network of relationships expands.

The most common reasons people give for their divorce are “irreconcilable differences.” Meaning that you and your spouse’s basic differences make it impossible to stay married. For some couples, arguments over child discipline, politics, finances, or religion are severe enough to push a wedge in the marriage. There are many strong grounds for divorce, but an interesting study of divorced couples and married couples found that the majority of them reported having 10 areas of incompatibility. There is no found correlation of martial happiness and shared hobbies. Those differences are not the problem, but it is what we do with those incompatibilities that troubles may arise.

One of my all-time favorite films is “Yours, Mine, and Ours.” It is the story of a couple who remarry, with a new combined total of 18 children! It is sweet to see everyone learn to adjust to one another and their new family unit. Blending families can be so difficult. There are so many outcomes and challenges of children from divorced or blended families.

Two years following divorce, 70 percent of couples believe they could have saved the marriage…and should have. Divorce is not something to take lightly, it has lasting effects on all members of the family, especially children.

I hope we can all learn to continually develop great compassion for those who have undergone divorce, especially children.

Vitamin N

I was a little shocked learning of the collapse of parenting today. Parents often unknowingly handing their young children all the power. I often say, “some people’s children” when I come across a child who is misbehaving or even a teen or adult who is acting out of line.  I do believe we are shaped by our surroundings to some extent but specifically the influence of our parents. For better or worse. Shortly after this lesson, I began to notice some of these parenting approaches, right or wrong, around me. Such as bribing children with toys or ice cream or giving in to their demands.

I am definitely no expert, as I myself do not have children, but I am an older (and much wiser) sister and have been a babysitter for a long time. That counts right? As close as I can get at this point.

My favorite resource from this week was entitled “Is Your Child Getting Enough Vitamin N?” from Prager University. You may be wondering what Vitamin N could possibly be, it is simply “no.” Many children today suffer from a Vitamin N deficiency. The video explained that many parents today are too concerned with being their child’s friend and making sure they are always happy. As previously mentioned, parents seem to have relinquished their parental authority, suffering from a loss of confidence, resulting in a difficulty of saying no. It generates nothing but a want for more in children, a form of addiction. This youngest generation is emotionally stunted, and will become self-centered adults if things do not change.

“Work is the only truly fulfilling way of getting anything of value in life”

It is essential to remember that the purpose of parents is to raise children to be contribute to society, protect and prepare them to survive and thrive in the world in which they will live proactively.

Family Dinner

Due to a recent lesson about parenting, I decided to take a deeper look into the importance of family dinner. The dinner table is GROUND ZERO of parenting. It is when families should come together to relax, laugh, tell stories, and catch up on each other’s days, sharing their ups and downs while continuing to develop their sense of family as a unit.

To be fair, families don’t need to gather at the table every night to reap the benefits. Sharing breakfast or even a snack together, can yield positive benefits. If a family cannot work out a time to be together for dinner, then they can make it a goal to have breakfast or even a snack together. Or share time regularly together on the weekend. United family meals are less about “dinner” and more about the “family” and time spent together. It is this regular time together that makes all the difference. For families struggling to make frequent shared family meals a constant event, the simplest advice is to make it a priority, set regular meal times, eliminate distractions, and to keep it simple.

My mother worked so hard to make it a priority and a consistent event in our lives. It was not always easy. I can recall many nights where my mother, defeated from a long day, would claim “It’s cereal for dinner tonight!”

Family dinner is so important in the development of children. It has benefits such as children receiving higher grades, they are less likely to experiment with drugs or alcohol, lower risk of obesity or developing eating disorders, and are more likely to graduate high school.

With a greater appreciation of the efforts made by my parents to make family dinners a regular part of my life growing up, doing their absolute best to make it a priority, I am inspired to make it a habit for my own family. I have seen and felt the benefits in the lives of my siblings as well as my own and my education.  Although some nights everyone was racing to get anywhere else but to the dinner table, we could always count on sitting together for a family meal. It may have been over the simplest of meals some evenings, such as a bowl of cereal, but we were together.

 

Family Work

So far, this has been one of my favorite units to study! We took a look into families sharing household work. I was impressed by the significance of teaching children the importance of working hard. Parents are able to “bond” with their children through housework. Even though it may be difficult to get children to help at times.

Family work L-I-N-K-S each other together.

Similar to family chores, acts of service, such as volunteer work can unite the family while giving back to others.  If you want to strengthen your family, work together!

Housework improves our marriages!

The difference between a happy marriage and a miserable marriage? Chores. In a recent poll conducted by Pew Research, 62 percent of adults said that sharing household chores is very important to marital success. I had a hard time believing at first, no one really likes chores!

My love language is acts of service, I show my love and gratitude to my husband by keeping our home neat and tidy. I appreciate my husband even more when I catch him doing helpful things around the home. We know what responsibilities are ours to tend to but we are happy to share the work load. It brings us closer.

My husband and I enjoy spending time together, in all activities. Mountain biking, snowboarding, working out, or cooking. But one activity that I think is of the most significance is when we built our coffee table. We have refinished quite a few pieces of furniture but this project was a bit more complicated. But I am so proud of what we did together.

I think all couples should work on a project together! It brings out qualities you do not see every day. Although it was not an average daily household chore, it strengthened our relationship because we were working side by side. We can turn our homes into an “Eden-like” bliss as we continue to work diligently together in all things, like Adam and Eve.

Gender Roles

Men and women have such great differences and such distinct characteristics. Why would God assign two such different individuals to team up and create a family?  It is because as man and woman, our differences compliment each other and we are able to strengthen one another.

I think something that has been very important in my marriage and family is finding the balance of responsibilities between husband and wife. I believe that as man and woman we have been designed to complete each other.

We are better together and stronger as a couple. We can be more effective when we find the best balance in the roles and responsibilities we must fill.We share the same values and goals. We can reach those goals together by working as a team. We can become so much more.

We have found that one of us may serve as a specialist in some areas of life. We have different weaknesses and strengths. From cooking, cleaning, planning, to driving, and waking up early. Those tendencies can become strengthened when we support each other in our efforts. There are set expectations in our marriage that we must fulfill but we can help each other to achieve.

We can become so much more as a family as we follow the Lord’s vision and we can reach our eternal goal when we turn to the Lord for the strength we need in our weaknesses and trials.

It is an essential part of Heavenly Father’s plan for his spirit children to be raised by earthly parents. God demands that children be raised righteously and by parents that love them. We must find the balance in gender roles. In society today I think it is so essential to raise our children to understand each gender.We were created equal, not the same. But we must learn to honor and celebrate our differences!

First blog post

I am really looking forward to sharing what I am learning in my course Family Relations. Just from the few classes I have already been to at this point, I feel blown away by the importance of the family and the role it plays in our society.

I can’t wait to hear back from you lovely people about what you think about the topics we will be covering. I want to hear your input and experiences! This will be a great learning experience for sure!